Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
