Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
