Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
