The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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