Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
