she woke up with a sticky ear
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
