is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
