upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
