fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
