wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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