it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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