uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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