So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
