I feel great
I just peed on a car
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
