ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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