This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
