We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
