with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
