is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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