Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
