my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
