Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
