I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
