She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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