We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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