I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
