Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize