Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
