Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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