I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
