i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
