don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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