I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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