just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
