I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
