Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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