lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
