After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
