Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
