mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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