can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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