gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize