Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
