I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
