Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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