Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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