Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
honey bunches of taint.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
