Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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