i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
