I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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