Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
