Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
