I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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