oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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