So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
