so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
3pm strippers are depressing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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