just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's like iHOP with fire
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
