Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
