Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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