Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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