and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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