alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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