Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

I'm eating all of the evidence.

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(540): View more from Virginia

The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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(618): View more from Illinois

the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game

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(404): View more from Georgia

Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"

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(281): View more from Texas

Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?

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