so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
