your thong is hanging out like whoa
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
