i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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