Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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