my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
