My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
bring money and cleavage
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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