Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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